As you can imagine, this commercial brought up many challenging questions to the proprietor of a theoretical drive-in.  Is this product real or are we being tricked?  Do I dare to eat one?  Will it make me vomit?  Will it be a delicious new taste sensation?  Are they going to start frying up burgers at this place just to blend them up, or will they outsource burger production, and if so where will the burgers come from?  What will the long-term ramifications of this new product be for my Platonic drive-in?  Should I try to make one myself?

I haven’t yet worked my way entirely through all of these questions yet, but I will recommend a place where you can begin to find the answers:  http://cheeseburgerchill.com/

Guru’s wanted to be everything to everyone, and I really wanted to like them, but there was one little problem: their food sucked. I gave them several tries (their menu was so promising and diverse), but when they gave me a bad fish burrito that made me sick, that was the end of my long-suffering. I never went back. Within six months or so, all the locations of Guru’s had closed, and I felt quite vindicated. Feel good sayings and promising menus couldn’t compensate for lousy food forever.

Imagine my surprise when, eight years later, I discover there is a fully alive and operating Guru’s Cafe right on Center Street in downtown Provo, Utah. Imagine my further surprise when the menu looks similar to and even expanded upon that of the ghastly Guru’s of old, and when I see that it is a popular and thriving establishment, alive to the point of advertising of poetry readings and live music nights. So strange. I lived for a year and a half in the general Provo area, but I never brought myself to the place, although I readily admit that if not for my knowledge of their former franchise empire in Salt Lake it would have been high on my list of local places to try.

But last week, while at the BYU Books for Young Readers conference at the Provo City Library a few blocks away, I was convinced by a friend to go to Guru’s for lunch. I consoled myself, thinking that if this Guru’s was still alive and bustling eight years after the demise of all their other locations, there must be something different about it, something good. I decided to trust the good people of Provo for keeping the business alive.

We walked in; there was a significant ordering line, and the girl at the cashier was chatty with everyone and taking her time. As we slowly approached the counter, there, written in chalk on their specials board, was one of the most mythical of foods on the mythical menu of the mythical Froz-T-Freez Drive-In Diner: the THAI BURRITO. I was filled with wonder, horror, all-around shock. It was not without trepidation that I ordered this mystical burrito of my dreams from the very restaurant that long ago had become my nemesis.

So, what was it? Grilled tofu, green beans, squash, edamame, tomatoes, onions, brown rice, and peanut sauce all rolled in a whole wheat tortilla.

How was it? Not bad. Not bad at all. I maybe would have preferred some chicken to the tofu, and it could have used more of the peanut sauce, but it was quite edible.

A long-maligned business establishment had been redeemed in my eyes, but far more importantly, another Froz-T-Freez menu item has become a reality. At the ‘Freez of course we would experiment with various currys, sauces and other ingredients, but a workable prototype is in place. My dream of the burrito as a food vehicle that crosses all cultural and culinary boundaries can and will indeed become a reality.

How’s that for inspiration? I was so distracted I didn’t even read the saying displayed on the bottom of my plate, but know that I forgive you, Guru’s Cafe, and I am at one with you. Oh, and your sweet potato fries with spicy fry sauce are pretty good, too. But everybody’s doing the sweet potato fry thing now.

It’s halfway gone.

(Pat’s B.B.Q. in Salt Lake City)

Walk in and the place feels immediately comfortable. The staff is super friendly. The customers seem to be regulars. Seating is at bar stools around a counter, behind which they ask you what toppings you want on your sandwich and finish putting it together right in front of you while you sit there.

An endearing Provo detail is the wall display for “Supernal Scripture Totes,” apparently handcrafted for $15 each. (I know my wife will roll her eyes that I call this a Provo detail, but where else but in our Mormon college town are you going to see something like this?)

Sammy’s has a great, simple menu. Everything is fresh and made from scratch. For entrees, they mainly feature hamburgers and chicken breast sandwiches, with pretty much anything that you could ever want on a hamburger available for toppings: grilled onions and mushrooms, homemade guacamole, pineapple and teriyaki sauce, bacon or pastrami (that ubiquitous Utah hamburger topping), several types of cheese, and of course the usual lettuce tomato ketchup mustard mayo type toppings. (I neglected to check whether beets were available as a condiment, but there’s always next time.) I tried Sammy’s Masterpiece, a burger with provolone cheese, grilled onions and mushrooms, guacamole, bacon, barbecue sauce, lettuce and tomato. At $5.99 it was a little pricey when compared to many local burger joints, but it was absolutely delicious. The abundance of excellent toppings puts it over the edge. In addition to the burger, what really hit the spot were the sweet potato fries, which come with one of the best renditions of fry sauce I have ever tasted. The picture below depicts Gin’s burger, which didn’t have as many goopy toppings on it as mine (already half-eaten by that point). Those fries are incredible.

Perhaps best of all are their real homemade pie shakes. Yes, you read that right. They have a case full of various flavors of pies, and for $4.00 they cut off a slice and blend it with soft serve ice cream for one of the best shakes you will ever taste. I know this sounds kind of weird; I certainly had my doubts, but at the waitress’ recommendation of the banana cream, Gin and I shared a split coconut/banana cream pie shake, and it was far better than I imagined it even possibly could be. This was another item eaten too quickly for a photo; you can see what was left of ours in the picture above, behind the burger plate.

Sammy’s has been in business for almost a year, and it is an absolute prize of an establishment, a quality place oozing with local character. They have tried to make a hip burger joint and college hangout spot, and in my opinion they have totally succeeded. Only one complaint: there was no music playing?! Come on guys, at a place like this you’ve got to kick out the jams.

My mouth is red from having just stretched to consume that giant burger.

Sammy’s has a blogspot blog of some sort. I haven’t explored in too much detail, but here’s the linkage: http://www.sammyscafe.blogspot.com

Sammy’s
27 North 100 West
Provo, UT 84601
801-805-9208

I guess I have to admit that hot dogs are a personal favorite food.  I now recognize this because, when I’m left to my own devices at the grocery store and/or subsequently at home, as I am tonight, I have a great tendency to buy them, cook them, and eat them.

Hot dogs really have a lot going for them.  They have a great flavor. They are inexpensive and extremely easy to prepare.  They give one the satisfying impression that one is eating something meaty and substantial.

But that’s not all; in addition to aroma, they exude nostalgia.  The frankfurter has a storied history that is deeply entwined with many pleasant elements of American culture: baseball, barbecues, camping, street vendors, amusement parks, drive-ins, kids meals, and our desire to give things new names when we decide we don’t like the country they came from.

And yet, examined without all these culinary and cultural trappings, the hot dog is quickly revealed as one of the most bizarre food items imaginable.  Processed from the vaguest of origins and with a truly nonsensical name, the hot dog is far more abstract a food than any other sausage I can think of, except perhaps bologna.  They contain high amounts of sodium, fat, and preservatives called nitrites, which I know nothing about but are supposed to be unhealthy when ingested in high concentrations.  These strangenesses and apparent flaws, one can easily argue, originate only in the admirable desire to make good use of all resources and plan for the future.

However, in a culture where fat and salt are readily available and we can preserve food through refrigeration, the hot dog has a new reason for its particular form and function.  A food often marketed and fed to children in a culture in which many are completely detached and ignorant of the sources and production of the food we eat, the hot dog is one of our most successful attempts at nullifying and mollifying ourselves out of recognizing the animal-ness and living-ness of our food sources, perhaps more so even than the hamburger or the chicken “nugget”  or “strip.”  Now more than ever, the hot dog is an iconic American food item.  Let’s please not start discussing the corn dog, though, or we’ll be here all night.

There it is, that special feeling just hit.  There are several more hot dogs left in package in the fridge;  I am sure that I will be eating them sometime soon, in the days ahead.  I don’t like to to let food go to waste.  But still, my stomach roils and rises up in a cry of betrayal, just now realizing that it has been tricked yet again.

[Ball Park Franks]

p.s. I’ve been trying to write about the San Rafael Swell for a month now, and I won’t let myself post pictures unless I’ve written about it first.  Sorry.  The apocryphal promises of posts continue.